Dear Dave,

My dad cosigned on a car loan for me a few years ago before I began working your plan to get control of my money. I missed some payments back then, and it has affected our relationship. I’ve since paid off the car, but how do I make things right with my dad?

Stephanie

Dear Stephanie,

I know you’re hurting, but a lot of this is up to him. The truth is he’s partially to blame for being dumb enough to cosign in the first place. And if this was just a mistake you made when you were a kid, then he should be mature enough to realize that and recognize the progress you’re making now with your finances.

If you haven’t yet apologized for messing up, I think it’s something you should do very soon. Let him know how much you hate that it harmed your relationship, and tell him you’re following a program that will help you make sure nothing like that ever happens again.

Then, if he can’t accept that and move on, it’s all on him. I know that’s not what you wanted to hear, but sometimes time is the only thing that heals those kinds of wounds.

—Dave