I donít hide debt from my spouse, but I do hide money from her. Iíve been squirreling away money for emergencies without her knowledge. Sheís not terrible with money, but she always finds something to spend it on. We were never able to save anything before I started doing this. After hearing you talk about ďfinancial infidelity,Ē I began to worry about her reaction when she finds out Iíve been doing this. Whatís your advice?
I think you have every reason to worry. Not just about her reaction, but what this represents in your marriage
. I believe in saving up for emergencies. I mean, Iím Mr. Emergency Fund. I talk all the time about saving up three to six months of expenses. But deception is never a positive thing in a relationship. Youíve got to man up and tell her.
I know this wonít be easy, and you have to make sure you tell her in the right way. Donít try to blame this on her. Basically, youíve
about this, and your
lying isnít her
fault. Let her know that youíre sorry for not being honest with her, but you also need to explain that the reason you hid the money was you were afraid to speak up and disagree. Ask for her forgiveness, and let her know youíre committed to never letting it happen again.
At the same time, youíve got to grow a backbone so you can let her know when youíve got a problem. Managing money
in a marriage is a ďweĒ thing. Decisions should always be made together. It means you each have a vote, but it also means you have to stand up and vote no if she wants to spend money on something silly when you guys havenít taken care of business!